Category: Create

The Mirror: Our Perception of the World Can be a Reflection of What’s Going on Inside of Us

March 10, 2018 No Comments Dr. Chesten

If you think someone’s post is about you, truth is it probably isn’t, but you probably see yourself in it. Suggestion: Don’t get upset with the mirror . . . fix the reflection.

I picked up this lovely quote from Instagram account: 1.spiritual.

The first time I heard about the “mirror” concept was when I was 20-years-old and one of my best friend’s grandmother (Grammy) told me about it. She said that the things we don’t like or we get angry about in others are merely a reflection of the issues we have within ourselves that we need to address.

When she told me this, we were sitting on the balcony of April’s (Grammy’s granddaughter) and my apartment in Florida. April and I had decided to give acupuncture school a try and so we moved down there. We happened to live close to Grammy, so we were able to visit with her often. She had come over and spent the evening with us at the apartment. We all decided to sit on the balcony because the weather wasn’t quite as hot or humid as it typically was for Florida.

I remember my first impression of the “mirror” concept was a mixture of disbelief and hostility. “What about pedophiles, rapists, and murderers? How are they a reflection of me?” Because of that aspect, I completely shut off the concept of the mirror. I took her philosophy to an extreme example and used that as an excuse not to carefully consider her point. In philosophy, they call it “reduction ad absurdum” fallacy which translates to “reduction to absurdity.” I took her concept to an extreme version and because it didn’t fit that paradigm, I disregarded the “mirror” concept as a whole. Ironically, my hostile response to Grammy talking about the mirror shows there was validity to her philosophy. I was hostile towards the concept of other people being a reflection of myself because I didn’t want to acknowledge some of the less amiable parts of myself. I didn’t want to admit that those aspects I didn’t like about other people such as being judgmental, self-righteous, always right, attention seeking, and over dramatic were aspects within myself that I didn’t like.

Fast forward 8 years and A LOT of growing pains and the concept of the mirror resurfaced. This time, I didn’t meet it with hostility, but with an open-mind that there are aspects of the mirror concept that could be right.

I don’t think external life is ALWAYS a reflection of us. I don’t believe people such as pedophiles, rapists, and murderers are a reflection of me. I don’t think domestic or international terrorists or those who commit hate crimes are a reflection of me. I think having an emotional reaction to those types of people and situations is an appropriate and natural response because of the monstrosity of those situations. We need to have an emotional response to those situations to help with motivation to change those situations.

I think the “mirror” concept is valid when it comes to day to day interactions. An example is, I was called judgmental by a loved one when I was a teenager. I was offended when the person made the accusation against me. Another time, I was accused of being overly sensitive. Again, I took the accusation personally and vehemently rejected it, nearly bursting into tears at the thought. The fact was, I did identify subconsciously with those characteristics, but I didn’t like those tendencies about myself. I didn’t like that I judged people and I viewed it as a piece of me that proved I was a bad person. I didn’t like that I was sensitive and I viewed it as a piece of me that proved I was weak. By embracing those characteristics and exploring why they developed and where they came from, I would have had to be honest with myself. I was afraid of what I would find by exploring the inner depths of my psyche. I was worried I’d find a person I didn’t like.

Another example is I used to get over-the-top-annoyed by certain types of people. Those who were attention seeking/dramatic and those who were self-righteous always seemed to get on my last nerve. There is a difference between not enjoying the company of certain types of people and despising being around certain types of people. It’s okay to not want to hang out with everyone. It’s okay to have people you just don’t mesh with. But, to me, it’s when there is a high emotional response to hanging out with a person (that when you’re honest with yourself has done nothing wrong to deserve such an emotional response) that eludes to there being an internal issue within yourself going on that needs to be addressed. I was annoyed by the attention seekers because I identified with that desire to receive attention from others. Being around these people made me uncomfortable because it forced me to take a good look at myself and the things that I would do. I didn’t like that I enjoyed receiving attention and I viewed it as a piece of me that proved I was weak and desperate for love. I looked down on those who were self-righteous because I knew the skeletons in their closets and felt they had NO right to view anyone as less than them. Again, I couldn’t handle being around them because there were times where I was holier-than-thou. There were times where I viewed myself a “good” because “I didn’t do . . . like so-and-so did . . .” or “I messed up with this, but at least I didn’t do that like so-and-so did so that makes me a better person.” I didn’t like that I was so high-and-mighty and I viewed it as a piece of me that proved I wasn’t a good person and that I was, in fact, arrogant.

By addressing and embracing these aspects of my personality, I noticed a shift in how I viewed others and myself. I no longer feel the need to judge or to be better than others. I enjoy rooting for people to reach their goals, to make their dreams happen, to find lasting love, and to become better versions of themselves that, in turn, make the world a better place. I no longer feel the need to be a know-it-all. I’m comfortable with being wrong and I acknowledge that what I know today may be viewed as obsolete tomorrow.

Another personal example is when I used to see posts on Facebook regarding intelligence. Any time I saw a post exclaiming someone was an idiot if they believed X, Y, and Z. I would get riled up and want to retaliate to prove my intelligence. I wouldn’t engage in online arguments, but the desire was there. I may or may not have even agreed with X, Y, and Z, but I still felt that overwhelming need to defend myself. Once I owned to the fact that I had insecurities about my intelligence and I addressed them, suddenly those sorts of posts no longer created an emotional response from me. I didn’t feel the need to prove my intelligence.

Being extremely defensive or extremely emotional about a situation can hint that there are issues underneath the surface that you need to address regarding the topic. Like the person who aggressively opposes homosexuality but is later caught having relations with a person of the same sex (or experimenting when they were younger). Like the person who has condemning comments to make about divorce but they have continuous affairs and/or are abusive towards their spouse.

As I stated before, I think the “mirror” concept can be valid, but it’s all about the level of the person’s emotional response that hints whether the topic needs to be address. If a Facebook post or a person’s comment causes rage or anxiety and it feels directed at you, then that may show there’s deeper things you need to personally address.

How can I fix the reflection? Here are some ways that I have worked on fixing my reflection. Before you start, I recommend you create a safe space for yourself where you can be as honest with yourself as you need to be.

First, acknowledge that the statement a person made or the post a person made bothered you. Then, here are different ideas of ways to go about dealing with it.

  1. The Emotion Code by Dr. Bradley Nelson is an excellent book to read if you are open to those kinds of concepts. It has good techniques that you can utilize on yourself
    • A friend of mine is in the area who is a Certified Emotion Code/Body Code practitioner. When I have gone to her, the results have been phenomenal. Email me at newdaychiropractic@gmail.com if you would like her contact information.
  2. Tapping/Emotional Freedom Technique is another excellent technique. There are free videos on Youtube about how to tap. This is a great technique for children because it’s easy to learn and implement. When I have panic attacks and don’t understand where there are coming from, this is a technique I’ll use and it helps me regain my center.
  3. Ho’oponopono by Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. It’s a powerful technique that utilizes the following phrases. “I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” I recommend reading up on it and seeing if this technique meshes with you.
  4. Meditate and/or pray on the statement or the post that bothered you
    • Let whatever thoughts and feelings you have flow through you. You can say them out loud if you feel the need to
    • Allow the conversation to transform from “They say I am . . .” to “I think I am . . .”
    • Once you pinpoint these feelings and thought patterns, explore when they first came about. Was it when you were a child? Did you learn these thought patterns from someone else? Did someone say them to you?
    • For example: let’s say “I think I am stupid” comes from a time someone called you stupid when you were a child, forgive the person who called you that and forgive yourself for taking that statement me. Imagine that statement leaving your body and being sent into a bright light that eviscerates it. Imagine a new statement taking its place such as “I think I am smart” or “I am smart” or “I love and accept my level of intelligence” or whatever combination feels right for you.
  5. Write or draw or paint or build or sing or dance or utilize any form of creative expression to identify what it was about the statement or post that bothered you. You could even do chores or workout instead and see if that leads to better results. This is a like a movement meditation.

When you finish your session, thank yourself for having the courage to dive into your subconscious. Thank yourself for addressing the issues and clearing them out. Thank the person who made the statement or posted whatever it was that bothered you. They helped you realize there was an issue within yourself that needed to be addressed. You don’t have to thank them in person, but you can send a prayer of gratitude their way.

These are by no means the only ways to fix your reflection. There are many, many, many different types of techniques out there that are helpful. These are just a few of the techniques that I have had the privilege to be exposed to and they have helped me.

Creating Your Outlet!

February 9, 2017 No Comments Dr. Chesten

I would like to talk about a topic that is near and dear to my heart. Create your outlet. What do I mean by that?

We all have stress occurring in our life on a daily basis. It can be from work, finances, academics, family, friends, or other areas that are beyond our control. We can sometimes be bombarded with emotions that we would rather not have and we don’t have a great way to release these negative emotions.

Instead of dealing with these emotions, a lot of people turn to addictive non-productive alternatives to try to escape from their emotions. It can be through smoking. It can be through drinking alcohol or doing recreational drugs. It can be through gambling. It can be through eating a lot. It can be through not eating at all. It can be through playing video games. It can be through watching television or movies. You get the picture.

For me, the way I create my outlet is through writing. I have a notebook that I write in at least fifteen minutes every night. It doesn’t matter how tired I am or if I feel like I have nothing to write about. I still write. I typically write about things that may be bothering me at that moment. I write about my stresses. I write about the things I am grateful for. I write about the people and situations in my life who have made me better. I write how I feel about these different situations I’m in and the people that I am interacting with at the time. There are times I write fluff! There are times my writing turns into stories or poetry. For me, writing is the best outlet I have found. It has benefited me in many ways including:

  1. It helps me find and keep my voice. We are constantly overwhelmed with other peoples’ opinions and propaganda on a daily basis. We all need a space we can go to that allows us a moment to remember who we are and bask in our individuality.
  2. It helps me see how I am viewing myself in the situation. It is easy for us to fall into a pattern of being a certain type of person during a conflict. For me, writing it all down allows me to find out how I really feel about myself. Am I trying too hard to make it seem like I was the victim in the situation or am I merely stating all of facts of what occurred? Am I too hard on myself or giving myself too much slack? Again, this gives perspective.
  3. It gives me clarity on my situations. It helps me figure out if I over-reacted, under-reacted, or reacted appropriately. Sometimes, a situation appears one way in our head, but once it gets put on paper, the situation suddenly doesn’t seem as detrimental.
  4. It helps me realize when my emotions have nothing to do with a current situation. We all have childhood scars. With this come emotional triggers that we may or may not realize we have. For me, if a person does something to remind me of a negative person from childhood, I automatically go in defensive mode and over-analyze everything the person does afterwards even though the person in general is nothing like the one from my past. By writing everything down, it helps me realize when this occurs. It helps me realize what my emotional triggers are. It helps me remember not to do it again.
  5. It helps my seemingly terrible issues melt away. I feel more at peace after I write. I feel like it was a way of getting everything off my chest without accidentally reacting inappropriately in a situation.
  6. It helps me react better to situations. Because I am constantly letting go of my stressors, I am able to react well to new stressors. Instead of constantly feeling overwhelmed and waiting for that last straw, I’m throwing off the weight every night. I feel that, for me, I tend to over-react less and I am able to analyze the current situation better than I would if I didn’t write.

Writing isn’t for everyone and I fully acknowledge that. Writing about stressors may not be for everyone either. If your negative emotions only feel stronger when you write about it, then that may not be the way to go about it. I’m just sharing what works for me.

Your outlet could be drawing, painting, or some other arts and crafts project. Your outlet could be working on your car or athletics.

The important thing is, create an outlet. Don’t just settle for the things everyone else does.

Instead of only playing a video game, why not come up with the idea for a video game? I don’t know how easy it is to invent a game, but with the advancements in technology, it seems like it’s possible to make some pretty amazing games on phones, internet, and gaming systems.

Instead of only watching a television show or a movie, why not write a script for it? Or, why not get some friends together and perform a skit? You can even get it recorded and put it online to share with others.

Instead of only listening to music, why not take part in creating music? If you like singing, sing! If you want to learn an instrument, then learn it! If you want to create an album, create it! Again, with the way technology is now, you could record an album from home.

As long as your outlet is safe and helps decrease your stress, you ought to venture out to find it.

By no means is this post meant to take away from people in the mental health care field. I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, or any other certified person in that respected field. It can be a rewarding experience to go to one of these credentialed individuals to get professional help. This post is not providing professional help. This post comes from personal experience and nothing more than that. If you feel that your stressors are overwhelming to the point that you feel that you may hurt yourself and/or others, you should seek professional counseling immediately.

Thanks for reading! Go forth and create!

Dr. Chesten